Question Time?

So prior to beginning my adoption journey, I followed several adoption blogs and I always had questions that I wanted to ask, but I thought it might be out of place to do so ... so I never did.

I'm wondering if anyone has any questions like that about our adoption, Down syndrome or anything else that I can answer? Anything {well most anything} is game ... just leave a comment on this blog post and feel free to do it anonymously if you like. :) C'mon ... don't be shy ... I know some of you want to know more! LOL.

Okay, here we go!

Okay, here's a pretty superficial one, but one I'm curious about regardless . . . We have court next week. Do I bring along some dress shoes, or can I wear my dress boots that I will have on for the weather?
I would say you would be fine with your dress boots (if they are leather ... which I assume they are since you called them DRESS boots), considering that is what EVERYONE here wears every day of the week. They wear dress boots with jeans, skirts, whatever. They told us that they preferred the women wear skirts to court, so maybe bring your dress boots with a modest skirt. Hope this helps!

Are you having/adopting more kids?
Although our hands are full for now, I do see us trying to have at least one more typical child. Who knows, Payton sort of changed our plans as far as kids are concerned. Before her, I would have been happy with just two kids. Now, I feel like the bigger the family, the better. I really would like Payton and Addison to grow up with lots of siblings that love them unconditionally ... big families are fun for everyone involved, right?!

Given your fertility "fun", was adoption ever a consideration before you had Mason and Payton?
You know me so well, Courtney! To fill everyone else in, yes ... we had problems getting pregnant with our biological kids. After three years of failure, we ending up conceiving through in vetro fertilization (IVF) with both of them. And yes, while we were trying to get pregnant, I thought about adoption a lot and I used to look at photo listings a lot ... so I think adoption has always been something that has been on my mind.

Do you truly feel just as connected to this GORGEOUS baby girl as you do to your other two amazing kids?
This is a really hard question ... and in fact it is the one thing that I think scares people when they adopt. You do wonder if you will love this child like you love your biological children ... although I wondered that during my second pregnancy too. I didn't know if I could love another child like I loved Mason, and of course we all know now that I love Payton so much my heart hurts!

We really do have an amazing connection with Addison and I think the fact that she is SO MUCH like Payton has a lot to do with it. I am totally in love with her ... is the depth of that love as deep as it is for my other two kids? I would say probably NOT YET, but it takes time to develop that depth of love and I know it will be the same for Addison. It is the same as a mother's love growing over time for her biological child ... the love you have for that child on the day he or she is born is not the same depth of love that you have for that child as time goes on and your bond becomes deeper. I actually can say that I am surprised at how deep the love we have for Addison is after only having spent a handful of days with her. She is already making us SO proud and we feel SO blessed to have found her.

When you adopt a child, the momma bear sort of takes over. Here you are given this child that has no family, no mommy or daddy that wants her, no siblings to play with. Being able to give that to a child is an amazing feeling ... and I think the bond that comes with that is amazing. I would do anything for Addison that I would do for my other two kids and I believe she will mesh perfectly into our family. ;-)

I don't know how many rooms you have in your house, but how are the kids rooms set up? The girls together, then mason, or every man for himself?
We have four bedrooms upstairs, one of which is a "guest suite" with a sitting area and its own full bathroom. Mason will be moving into that room ... we figured he is the oldest and the only boy at this point, so he wins. The girls will each get their own bedroom and then share a full bathroom that is between their rooms. I pondered putting them in a room together, but I decided not to do that. Not sure why ... and I continue to question my decision since I know Addison is used to sleeping in a room with others ... and Lord knows Payton likes to sleep with other people too. So we'll see how that pans out. LOL.

I remember you mentioned something about Addison's mom or some relative that was getting the news that she was going to be adopted ... what happened with that? Did you find out more about her family or anything else?
Yes ... the social worker met with the birth mother the week after our first trip to get paperwork from her. They told the birth mother that we wanted to adopt Addison and the birth mother was fine with it. She and the birth father (her husband) had released their rights to Addison when she was about one month old ... because she has Down syndrome, of course. From what I was told, members of the extended family also have to release the child, so that is what they were waiting on ... the biological aunt of Addison had to write a letter releasing her as well. I suppose they get letters from the entire family (i.e. aunts, uncles, grandparents) because their first preference would be that Addison live with them if the birth parents did not want the child. In Addison's case, the entire family released their rights to her ... most likely because she has Down syndrome. She was never visited by any family member during her stay at the baby home.

We did ask if we might be able to get a picture of Addison's birth mother to have to show her when she gets older if she wants to see it, but the birth mother rejected our request ... which we pretty much expected to happen. We do have the names of Addison's birth parents, but that is pretty much it.

Also, as far as Russian government records go, the original birth certificate reflecting the names of the birth parents is destroyed when a child is adopted and it is replaced with the new birth certificate reflecting the names of the adoptive parents. So we have a birth certificate for Addison with our names on it, as well as an adoption certificate with our names on it. Essentially any record that ties her to her birth parents is destroyed. I was surprised to learn that, but what do I know? LOL.

I was wondering how big she is in comparison to Payton? They look very close in size, will they wear they same size clothing or is Addison fitting in P's hand-me-downs?
Addison is a little smaller than Payton ... Addison is about 28 pounds and Payton is about 32 pounds and a few inches taller. Addison definitely needs a 2T in pants and either a 2T or 3T in shirts ... Payton is a 3T in pants and either a 3T or 4T in shirts ... gotta fit those buddha bellies! So yes, Payton's clothes will come in very handy for Addison ... that is what she is wearing now, in fact!

Here's a question ... who's your favorite twin? Also, a question for Kyle .... was the beer good?
Hahaha McKenna ... my favorite twin would be ... McKenna! And Kyle says, "Yes, it was ochen facusna." That is a phonetic spelling for delicious. LOL. He thinks he is so smart.

My big question is, how tempted are you to bring them ALL home with you?!
I know, it is very hard. I think I would have had a much harder time with this is if we had adopted from a baby home that was not as good as Addison's. Nonetheless ... whether they are in a good baby home or not, most of the kids do not have parents. Some have parents that visit them, which renders them unavailable for adoption ... and that breaks my heart even more. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that these parents choose not to (or cannot) raise their children, yet as long as they visit the child (perhaps once a month, sometimes less ... sometimes more), the child cannot be adopted.

So ... the best thing for me to do at this point, since I can't bring them all home, is to advocate for others to adopt! :)

Are you concerned about Addison's sleeping schedule once you leave Russia? Have you been given any tips or tricks to help get her acclimated?
I'm not necessarily concerned ... she will have to adjust just as we will. She is a very good sleeper ... I hope she adjusts okay, but no ... I haven't been given any tips to get her acclimated, other than just transitioning her into her new schedule. I'm sure we are all going to be exhausted for a few days!

Have you been given advice or what have you done in prepping Mason and Payton for bringing Addison home. I'm sure you're sharing everything with them that they can understand but I was curious if you've been given advice on how to help them assimilate to having a new sister and vice versa. It's probably some of the same growing pains that any family goes through when you bring a new baby home but I'm curious if you've been given any advice or tips?
Mason definitely understands everything ... Payton, not so much. After we decided we were going to adopt, we bought a couple children's books for the kids. The books are great at telling stories about orphans and adoption. That was an easy way to explain to Mason that not all kids like him have mommies and daddies that can take care of them. We showed him a picture of Addison and told him that she did not have a mommy and daddy that was able to take care of her. He immediately said, "Well, how about if you be her mommy, and daddy can be her daddy, and I'll be her brother and Chicky can be her sister." I'm not kidding ... this was after reading the books about adoption and he received no prompting from us ... in fact, I think this was our very first discussion with him about our plans to adopt. He is an amazing kid. :) He is very excited to have another baby sister and everything lately has become about when "Baby Addison" comes home. He will wear his new pajamas when Baby Addison comes home; he will start using his new Batman bedding when Baby Addison comes home; and so on. So cute.

I think Payton will be excited as well. She loves kids that are smaller than her and she is excellent with them. Prior to us coming to Russia, she saw Addison's picture and use to kiss it and sign "baby". She also has seen Addison on skype (video cam) since we have been here and they talk and wave to each other.

Splitting our time equally between the kids will be the biggest, and most important, challenge. :)

How close are the girls in age?
They are 9 1/2 months apart.

Were you able to get any pictures of Addison from the baby home? That is one thing I wish I would have asked for!
Yes, we did! They gave us maybe four of five pictures from when she was younger, plus we have the picture that was in the MOE databank.

Are you worried about Addison's ability to communicate and learn language skills given that she now is faced with trying to understand a new language? Does she attempt to say any words in Russian yet?
It definitely is a concern, but the benefits of her being adopted pretty much outweighs that concern. This is something that comes with all adoptions. Being as though she just turned two, and she has Down syndrome, her expressive language in Russian is pretty much non-existent. Her receptive language in Russian, however, is extensive. That is why we have picked up a language course that teaches you common phrases that you would need when adopting a child ... that has been VERY helpful.

As far as learning English, they says kids that are young and adopted are very resilient and I know she is already understanding some stuff in English. We are trying to say the phrase in Russian (as much as we know, at least) and then we repeat it in English. We are also using sign language to a certain extent.

Kids who have Down syndrome have language delays no matter what, so even if Addison had been born in the U.S., I wouldn't expect her to have extensive expressive language by this point anyway. We'll get there! :)

Love her!

I have a family!

Silly Girl {That's what a camera flash will do!}

Journey to walking ...

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Chilling with Addison {Trip One}

Addison: Day One {First Trip}

If you've been following our blog, you know how hard it was for us to leave Addison in Russia after our first trip. I feel like I sort of had to turn my emotions off, just so I could make it through these past few weeks away from her. That might sound weird, but it is true. I haven't watched many of our videos that we took of her, only because it upset me too much.

Now that we have a court date, I can't help myself ... get ready for video overload! I'm only kidding, but I am going to post a few videos of Addison, to give you a better glimpse into this child that we fell in love with in just three days.

This video was taken probably an hour after we met Addison. By this time, her caregiver was able to take a step back without having Addison cry. She is so stinkin cute!

Another special family ...

One of the most amazing things that has come from having a child with Down syndrome is the friendships that I have made. Meeting other families that are similar to ours that are on our journey ... it is really hard for me to put into words just how special of a bond we have with them. It is instantaneous. It is different than a regular old friendship ... we get each other. We are experiencing the exact same things in life. We understand what the other is going through. When can talk to each other about PT, OT, ST, AAI, EI, IFSP, DS, IEP {and the list goes on} and know exactly what all those things mean and why each one of them have such a huge impact on our lives.

One of those friends that I have made is McKenna. Even though we live half way across the country from each other, we talk on the phone every day and we have been lucky enough to meet up a few times. I think she is my long lost twin ... it is pretty scary actually. She is amazing ... equally amazing is her little girl, Darah, who happens to have a little something extra in the chromosome department.

Not only are McKenna and I on the Down syndrome journey together, we are on the road to adoption together. McKenna and her husband are adopting a little girl from Eastern Europe ... everyone, please meet Reese ... isn't she sweet?

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Tell me about yourself and your family.

DJ and I have been married for 5 1/2 years and have two children. Connor is almost 2 and Darah just turned 4. Darah has Down syndrome. We are pursuing the adoption of a 9 month old little girl who also has Down syndrome and a cleft lip and cleft palate.

Tell me why you decided to adopt a child with special needs?

Having Darah has opened our eyes up to a world we didn't know much about. Having a child with special needs brings so much reward and joy to our lives. We also know that around the world, so many children are abandoned because they have special needs. We feel that adopting a child with special needs will not only enrich our family, but save a precious child in the process.

What special needs does she have?

Reese has Down syndrome. She also was born with a cleft lip and cleft palate. In Reese's country, she is not eligible for the very simple procedure to repair her cleft lip and cleft palate. While it may look shocking, she will have surgery to repair her cleft lip and palate when she comes home. She will be in the hospital probably only overnight for the lip repair and probalby only two nights for the palate repair. She is able to eat right now with a special bottle and we are very encouraged at how chunky she is because that tells us her caregivers are taking the time to make sure she is nourished! Neither Down syndrome or cleft lip/palate are a scary thing! While Reese will have to have surgery and will probably have delayed development and some extra developmental therapy a lot of children do not need, we know that our every day lives will not be that much different than anyone else's. We can't wait for her to come home to our family!

What would be your advice to anyone wanting to adopt?

The main thing I want to tell people is that we are not special people. We are making a big decision to adopt a child, but we're not any different than any other family. We were afraid of the adoption process and the fundraising and now that we are in the process I'm learning it's not as big and scary as I thought it would be. If you are wanting to adopt, I encourage you to spend a lot of time in prayer. I also encourage you to find some people who have been through the process and start asking all your questions! That was the best thing I did before we committed to Reese. I also encourage you to consider adopting a child with special needs. These children are at the biggest risk of being sent to institutions around the world. 80% of them die within the first year of being transferred to an institution. A lot of countries are not accepting of individuals with special needs and it is important to send the message to these countries that these children ARE WANTED and ARE LOVABLE and more important to save these children from dying in awful institutions! Find someone who has a child with special needs and spend some time with them. I truly believe that every family should know the joy of raising a child with special needs. Having a daughter with Down syndrome has enriched our little family in so many ways and made us all better people! I am an open book with our adoption process and happy to share anything about our journey with anyone!

If you would like to follow their journey to Reese, click here to be redirected to their blog. If you would like to help them in their fund raising efforts with a tax deductible donation, click here. I'd like to leave you with The Starfish Story, a favorite of this family ...

The Starfish Story
Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.

”Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”
I made a difference for that one."

Greeting Addison

I took this video on day three {I think} of visiting Addison ... it is taken as we walked in the door of her "family unit". I wanted to video her because at a prior visit, she saw us come in and came crawling super fast across the floor to greet us ... it was SO cute. This time she was in the middle of getting dressed, but her waves in this video are so cute and funny, that I wanted to share. Watching this is really making me miss her badly ... and I think I've forgotten how much of a little tanker she is! Check out the rolls on her arms! I can't wait to get back to Russia!

One special family

{Miss Masha}

Coming in to our adoption, I always knew that adoption was expensive ... but good grief, I'm not sure I realized just how expensive it is. As you know, we have been doing a lot of fundraising to help off set our costs ... and we have lots more ahead of us.

I would like to introduce you to a very special family who in the process of trying to adopt Masha, a little girl that has Down syndrome from overseas. They have had some major hurdles to jump to bring their angel home. These hurdles have been very expensive and they almost had to walk away from their adoption because of it. So far, they have remained committed to bringing this little girl home.

In an effort to off set some of their adoption expenses, they are holding a $5 raffle for a pretty awesome prize ... a Dell Mini Inspiron Laptop ... pretty cool, eh? I know many of you are probably sick of hearing about raffles, but I figure if I can put out $5 to help a family that is doing a great thing ... and get a chance to win a laptop ... then why not? Click here to read more about the laptop and for information on how to purchase a raffle ticket.

Thank you for helping this great family!

I love her eyebrows ...

Taking it a level deeper

Today was a great day ... even more so than yesterday. Our first day here, Tuesday, was a bit emotional for me. As soon as we got here, we were shown relinquishment letters handwritten by Addison's birth parents and that just made me really emotional. Going through this whole process, you tend to forget that this child came from another place. She really did belong to someone prior to being placed in the baby home.

Going into Wednesday, I think I was so nervous at how things would happen, that my emotions were frozen. I felt like I was discussing and meeting someone else's child. Not sure how else to explain it. So no, I did not cry when I first met her. Granted, I didn't cry when I gave birth to my two kids either. My emotions don't work well under stress ... but man, when the stress leaves, my emotions work on over drive. LOL. Nonetheless, we were completely smitten with Addison yesterday ... and even more so today!

Today we were able to just relax and get to know her a little more. Although having two people trying to bond with one child can be tough ... we did a lot of passing back and forth. It is also really hard knowing that we have to leave her here in a few days and I'm trying to not let that control my emotions. Knowing you are going to hurt ... well of course you try to guard that. I didn't think I'd have that hard of a time with it because I know she is in a great baby home and she is genuinely happy there ... but, I guess none of that matters when it is your child. Sigh.

All of that aside ... Addison is just amazing! When we arrived at the baby home this morning, she was outside on the playground sitting in a stroller. She totally recognized us and put her arms up for me to pick her up ... so cute! She does the cutest things ... my favorite of which is sucking on her two fingers and just nuzzling her head into your shoulder ... my heart melted every time.

Here she is sleeping on the momma ...

And also on the poppa ... she was tuckered out today!

Ms. Addison

We are smitten!

While we were in the room talking with those who know Veronika best, one of her caregivers brought her up to meet us. She is so stinkin cute! She was a little apprehensive of us at first, which actually is a great thing and shows that she has good attachment skills, which we want. She sat on her caregivers lap, played with us and you could see her trusting us more and more as the time went by. We got out a ball and she loved that ... she played catch with us and knew exactly what to do. Then we took out another ball that has a rattle in it ... she loved that thing too. I also took out some stacking rings and she did awesome with them ... stacked em right up! As you can see in the picture above, she spent some time sucking on her two fingers ... I've never had a finger sucker before! Her caregiver told us she does that when she is nervous or needs comfort ... so cute! She is doing very well for a child with Down syndrome, especially for a child with Down syndrome that has been raised in a baby home. Yes, we are smitten!

Our first visit at the baby home

When we got to the baby home, we were taken to a room where we met with the baby home's doctor since the director is on vacation. The doctor reviewed Veronika's {that is what the baby home calls her} history with us and we had a chance to ask some questions. The doctor raved about Veronika, telling us how cute she is and how incredibly friendly she is. She was born at 36 weeks gestation, was 4.23 pounds and measured 18.1 inches long at birth. She now weighs 27 pounds and is 30 inches tall ... she is a little tanker! Veronika is up to date on her immunizations and in 2007, she had one cold and one ear infection. She has hit her milestones appropriately for a child with Down syndrome and she is now walking assisted. She has been seen by an eye doctor and an ENT, both of whom found no problems. Veronika does have a heart defect ... a VSD, which is the same defect Payton had that closed by the time she was six months old. Veronika had an ECHO in July 2008 and her hole continues to get smaller ... I believe at birth the hole was 3.5mm. Either way, her heart defect is not a huge concern to us and it is probable that she will never need surgery.

A little while later, the baby home's social worker came in and we were able to ask her questions about Veronika's birth family. Her birth parents {who are married} were both born in 1983, making them 23 years old when they had her. They relinquished their rights when Veronika was one month old after her karyotype confirmed that she has Down syndrome. They did not, however, have custody of her prior to that. After she was born in a rural hospital, she was transferred to a maternity ward because she was not doing that great after her mother had a very fast delivery {1.5 hours}. The doctors suspected at that time that she had Down syndrome and her birth parents never saw her again after that ... at least that is what is speculated since there is no record of it. After she was released from the hospital at 1 month 12 days old, she was taken to the baby home, where she has lived since. The baby home's social worker has had telephonic contact with the birth mother, however nobody has ever been to visit Veronika. The birth mother is aware that we will be adopting Veronika and she has told the social worker that she will cooperate and meet with the social worker next week to provide some sort of paperwork. {I'm not exactly sure what that is all about.} Veronika has an older sister who was born in 2002 and that girl is being raised by their birth parents.

We also had a chance to speak with one of Veronika's caregivers, who also raved about her. She typically wakes in the morning around 7:30 a.m., has breakfast at 8 a.m., snack at 10 a.m., lunch at noon and nap after lunch for a couple hours. She eats dinner around 5 p.m. and goes to bed at 8 p.m. The caregiver told us she is a great sleeper {we need that around our house!} and that she goes to sleep on her own. We'll see if that changes when we get her home. LOL.

And then they brought Veronika in to meet us ...

To be continued ...

Our appointment with the Ministry of Education

This morning we had our appointment with the Ministry of Education to get our official referral. We were given a referral for a little girl who is almost 10 months younger than Payton. Ironically, my sister, Kristie, and I are 10 months apart too ... and we have always loved each other very much, right Kris? ;) Anyway, back to the topic at hand ... the girl's name is Veronika and she has Down syndrome, as we requested. We also got some other basic medical information about her, but we were not allowed to ask questions ... those were to be asked of the doctor, social worker and baby home director once we got to the baby home.

To be continued ...

I like this quote

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

I saw this quote earlier on a blog somewhere and I liked it ... it sort of hit home for me. After giving birth to my daughter, who has Down syndrome, I can't tell you how many times I was told, "God will not give you more than you can handle." I wasn't so sure, but it sort of made me realize that I could do it.

So many people are so afraid of Down syndrome because they are not educated about it. I was not educated about it, but after my daughter was born I had no choice but to rise to the occasion and educate myself. I'm glad I did because my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me {not to leave my son out of the picture, but having a special needs child has opened my heart to many new things in this world}.

So seeing this quote sort of made me chuckle because I sort of tend to be more rebellious than most people. I do feel like maybe sometimes God trusts me too much, but I'll take it. I'm willing to be the rebellious one if I can make a difference. I think an example of this is our adoption ... our adoption of a child that has Down syndrome. Our adoption that has so many people saying, "Wow. I can't believe they are doing that. Why are they doing that?"

Down syndrome ... it is a thing that so many people fear could happen to their child. I promise ... it is not the end of the world ... it is not a bad thing, it is a blessing in disguise. I hope that by following our journey you will have the chance to see that my child {soon to be plural} with Down syndrome is just as typical as any other child.

A whirlwind of emotions

We are only days from stepping foot on a plane to go meet our newest daughter and that brings with it a whirlwind of emotions. Excited. Nervous. Scared. All of those things at the same time.

I'm excited to meet her. I'm excited to experience this new culture while I try to find something to eat so I don't starve. I'm excited to visit the orphanage and see what kind of awareness we can bring surrounding kids with Down syndrome. I'm excited to have this adoption experience.

I'm nervous to leave my kids at home. I'm nervous for what would happen to my kids if something happened to Kyle and I. Stop telling me not to think like that. I'm nervous to fly for that many hours on a plane. What if something happens? I'm nervous to meet with the Russian officials. I'm nervous to how they will react to someone who wants to adopt a child with Down syndrome. I'm nervous that they will look down on us.

I'm scared to fly for that many hours on a plane. I pretty much think that is all I'm scared about. LOL

Dossier Status: Part I

Our dossier was not filed today, so hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday. We should have an idea of when we will travel shortly after that ... as of right now, we are thinking it will probably be in September!

Breathe. Breathe.

Promoting Awareness {Myth vs. Truth}

Myth:Down syndrome is a rare genetic disorder.
Truth: Down syndrome is the most commonly occuring genetic condition. One of every 800 to 1,000 live births is a child with Down syndrome.

Myth:Most children with Ds are born to older parents.
Truth:Eighty percent of children born with Ds are born to women younger than the age of 35 due to the higher fertility rates.

Myth:People with Ds have severe cognitive delays.
Truth:Most people with Ds have cognitive delays that are mild to moderate. IQ is not an adequate measure of the functional status of people with Ds. People with Ds have great potential if given opportunities.

Myth:People with Ds cannot form interpersonal relationships, marry or have children.
Truth:People with Ds date and marry and it is possible for women with Ds to have children. There is a 50 percent chance that the child will have Ds. While extremely rare, men with Ds can father children.

Myth:People with Ds have a short life span.
Truth:Life expectancy for people with Ds has increased dramatically in recent years. Most reach 55 years or older depending upon medical issues.