Expenses Still to Come

I sort of have been unclear as to what expenses we still have to come, so I asked my social worker for a breakdown. These are estimates and there are other miscellaneous expenses, but at least we have a clearer picture of how many more pennies we need to put in the piggy bank.

Notarization, apostilling - depends on where you go, could be anywhere from $5-$10 per document

Translations - approximately $2k for your dossier (plus any translations for post acceptance docs after your 1st trip if any)

Child's visa - $400

Child's medical exam - $120

Translations of documents, post adoption in Moscow - $200-$250

Adoption Services in Moscow - $300

Daily services in St. Pete - $150/day

Housing in St. Pete - ranges from $200-$500/night (our coordinator will work on finding an apartment for you that's less expensive than a hotel)

Consulate Registration Deposit - $1k

We have the best family ever

Yesterday, Mason and I were on our way to Backyardigans and my cousin, Debby, texted me this picture ...
These are her two girls having a lemonade stand for us during a neighborhood festival. It brought me to tears, to say the least. Yes, I am very emotional when it comes to anything Addison.

Maddy and Ella ... thank you so much for the money you raised for us!

Words With Meaning

This morning, I was reading Kris' blog ... she is in Estonia right now adopting little Amanda, who has Down syndrome. Kris commented about her trip to the store with Amanda and how uneasy she felt when people around her stopped and peered at Amanda, did a double take or grabbed sleeves and pointed at her. These type of things make her wary of venturing out with Amanda during their time there and at the same time, Kris said she wants to say ...

"It is because of these feelings you have about these precious children that I am here, to give her a life she could never have in your country."

So profound. So true.

Home study, Part II: Check

Tonight Kyle and I drove to our adoption agency to meet one last time with our social worker. After getting stuck in traffic and getting there almost a half hour late, we each had one on one time with her and then answered some questions together. Our social worker liked Kyle's crazy biography he wrote, so that was funny to talk about. Our social worker will be meeting with my sister-in-law, Shay, on Monday as a collateral contact. And then, our social worker told us she thinks she will have a rough draft of our home study composed by next Friday ... woo hoo!

Home Study, Part I: Check

We have our home visit last night with our social worker and she is very sweet. She asked us a few questions, took a tour of the house and that was it. We will be meeting with her tomorrow night for our one on one interviews and then we are done. She also said that some of our clearances have come back, so that is great news too!

Home Study ... 2 more days

This Tuesday and Thursday are our visits with our social worker for our home study ... finally! The past few weeks have been really slow on the adoption front, but hopefully things will progress smoothly after this week. Yay!

Sponsoring Our Adoption

Many of you have asked where you can sponsor our family by way of a donation to help us bring Addison home. For that, we are very grateful. We now have our family sponsorship page set up at Reece's Rainbow, which accepts tax-deductible donations for our adoption. Once we are ready to travel, the donations will be disbursed directly to us from Reece's Rainbow.

If you would like to donate via a tax-deductible donation, click here.

I like this man

I came across this article written by Sergey Koloskov, a Russian man whose wife gave birth to a little girl with Down syndrome in 1989. Living in Russia, Koloskov and his wife faced great challenges in their desire to keep their baby, in light of the Russian attitude toward kids with Down syndrome. Koloskov eventually founded the first Down syndrome association in Russia. What an honorable man.

A message from above

I found this online tonight and wanted to share because scripture really makes everything seem clear to me.

Why adopt?

"In you the fatherless find mercy." (Hosea 14:4)

"You are the helpers of the fatherless." (Psalm 10:14)

"It is not the will of your Father that one of these little ones should perish." (Matthew 18:14)

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress." (James 1:27)

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Luke 18:16)

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18)

"Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." (Matthew 18:5)

"And Jesus took the children in his arms, put his hands on them, and blessed them." (Mark 10:16)

"Remember those...who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." (Hebrews 13:3)

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us...let us not love with word or tongue, but with action and in truth." (I John 3:16-18)

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." (Matthew 25:35)

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves...defend the rights of the needy." (Proverbs 31:8,9)

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me, declares the Lord." (Jeremiah 22:16)

Interesting, heartbreaking facts

~There are over 4 million orphans and homeless children in Russia and Ukraine

~There are 700,000 orphans living in 2,000 state-run orphanages in Russia alone ... that is more orphans than there were after World War II

~About 15,000 unadopted Russian orphans leave orphanages each year, once they are 16 to 18 years old

~Statistics show that after being released from the orphanage, 80% of unadopted female orphans will become prostitutes and most unadopted male orphans will go to jail ... only one out of ten Russian orphans becomes a functional member of society

~More than 100,000 children are thought to have been surrendered to orphanages due to poverty

One week to go ...

One week from today, we have our home visit with our social worker for our home study. The time is passing really slowwww.

Well Wishes {from Natalia and family}

USCIS Status {sort of}

Thanks to delivery confirmation, I know USCIS received our I-600A on 6/4/08. I just realized today that on 6/10/08, our check was cashed by USCIS. Progress! I know that seems so silly, but at least I know our application has been processed. I honestly have been sitting here wondering if it was sitting in a pile of mail somewhere waiting to be opened. I guess not!

Edited to add: When I got home today, we had a letter from USCIS waiting for us. It basically was just acknowledgement that they received our I-600A and that they are waiting on our home study, surprise, surprise. Now I'm bummed at the delay all over again.

A talk with my aunt {and some random thoughts}

When I was telling my aunt about our adoption plans, I was trying to explain to her the impact that Payton has had on our lives, on a level that she may not realize. It is hard to put into words, but I truly feel that I would not have experienced parenthood in the way that I have if Payton had not entered our lives. Loving a special needs child is so different than loving a typical child. It is very hard to make someone on the outside to understand this when they have no experience, but I know many parents of children with Down syndrome know exactly what I am saying.

You see, as parents we tend to take things that our children do for granted. We expect them to to walk by about one year of age, we expect them to start talking soon after that. We expect things from them because that is how a child typically develops and we cherish those milestones.

But ... what happens if your child does not walk by their first birthday, or if they still don't really talk at 2 years old, or if they still have to eat some baby food at 2 1/2 years old because they have oral aversions? Welcome to my world ... but don't pity me. We feel so blessed to have a happy and healthy child in our lives, that these silly things have become so minute. Sure, we still want these things for her, but we don't worry because we know one day she will get there. And when she does get there, it makes it that much more worth it.

In the words of my friend McKenna, we "want more of that love". And that is part of the reason we want to adopt a child with Down syndrome.

The Impact of Adoption

I was talking to my friend McKenna (my long lost twin and an amazingly supportive person, by the way) a couple weeks ago and she was saying how amazing it is that you can be touched so deeply by watching someone adopt a child. I totally agreed with her and told her that I might not be where I am if I had not become so encompassed with the adoption journey of the Urban Family.

Prior to beginning the Urban's journey, they had four typical children. They decided that they wanted to open their hearts to a child with Down syndrome and committed to adopt Ms. Ava from Ukraine. She was four years old when they got to her and she had lived in a crib her entire life. She was a tiny little girl and did not have many skills. After getting to Ukraine and seeing Ava's condition, it took a huge heart to accept her for what she was and to understand that she had potential. That is exactly what the Urban's did. I think watching them fall in love with a child with Down syndrome, something that had previously been outside of their norm, is what got me so interested in their journey. Since being home, Ava has absolutely flourished and is impacting people everywhere!

So, that is one reason that I believe I became even more interested in adoption. Seeing someone go through it first hand and come out of it with such success. During my conversation with McKenna, she went on to say that we will impact people during our journey, and so on and so forth. Amazing to think that these babies might get homes just because we blog about our experiences.

Small delay ...

Our home study appointments were set for next week, but we've been pushed back one week. We will still be able to get both appointments with our social worker done that week, so that is good. We also are still waiting for our clearances to come back, so hopefully everything will fall into place time wise.

Language Barrier

I asked my friends over at Reece's Rainbow {some who have already adopted} what they did to help the transition with language. I'm told by other adoptive parents that their children adjusted beautifully in relation to language. We plan to learn some key Russian phrases, but poor Addison probably won't understand what we are saying since we don't have the proper accent. So we will focus primarily on sign language and verbalization.

I also received a great idea from someone who had purchased a Russian speaking doll and a Russian lullaby CD from this website. I also purchased the doll and CD for Addison. :)

Our travel partners

A couple days ago, Kyle called me at work and said that his parents wanted to know if they could go to Russia with us. They wanted to support us in our adoption and see Russia all at the same time. Even better, my father-in-law is retired from Northwest Airlines and we are hoping to be able to catch a break on airfare for at least our first trip over. Them reaching out to us for something like this means so much to us. I think they are very excited, as are we. At least if we get lost in Russia, we won't be lost alone!

Edited to add: No, we will not be taking Mason and Payton with us. They will stay home. :)

Planning the logistics of bedrooms

Historically, we thought we would eventually move Payton into our guest suite {a bedroom, sitting area and bathroom}. We figured she would be with us the longest and it only made sense for her to have her own space. Well, plans change. The plan now is to move Mason into the guest suite to give him his own space. He is the oldest, after all. And for now, he is the only boy. So we will be moving him to the guest suite and the girls will each get their own room and share the bathroom that is between their rooms. Addison actually will get Payton's room since that is where the crib is set up, and Mason's old room will be transformed into Payton's new haven. Redecorating ... my favorite thing to do!

I have chosen the "theme" for the girls' bathroom {Pottery Barn Kids, of course}. I ordered two sets of the butterfly towels today ... one bearing the name "Payton" and the other bearing the name "Addison". Had I mentioned that is the name we decided on? :) We will try to get the butterfly rug and shower curtain from the store later.

Telling our family {and friends} the news

We have pretty much told all of our immediate family {and our close friends} about our adoption. We have received mostly positive responses, with a few reservations here and there. I suppose those reservations are the same reservations we had back in the beginning and I understand that nobody knows the same amount of information as we do at this point. We would just like support from everyone, that is all we are asking ... and that is pretty much what we have gotten. I am sure there are some that secretly think we are out of our minds, but that is okay. We know we are making the right choice for our family, and that is really all that matters. Love to all.

USCIS

Today we mailed off our USCIS I-600A, which is the application for advance processing of an orphan petition. USCIS is notorious for delays, so we are hoping for the best. We included a cover letter with our application telling them that we are in the process of adoption a child with special needs, essentially hoping to pull on some heart strings and have them kick it into high gear. Sigh ... we shall see.

Home Study Update

We had our phone orientation with our social worker today. We just went over basic information. She also told us that the home study coordinator officially deemed us the fastest paperwork gatherers ever. LOL. We will have two meetings with our social worker for the home study, one here at our house and the other in the office. Both of those meetings will take place next week. Hopefully that will speed things along. Our social worker is now guessing that we may travel in September, or perhaps late August, at the speed that things are moving. Yay!

The medical system in Russia

I think I have talked a little about the tendency of Russian orphans to have a long list of diagnoses, most of which are totally exaggerated or bogus. I read today that the reason for the exaggerated medical records is to ensure continued medical care for the orphans. Russia has a socialized medical system and apparently having documented diagnoses (whether they are true or not) will help to ensure they get the medical care they need.

I also just found this on the internet:

The philosophy of health care in Russia is different from the U.S. It's more like Europe by the way doctors are trained to address relatively minor things more seriously than in U.S. They make a list of diagnoses, but are simply describing "risk factors", to let other doctors know: maternal risk factors, infant risk factors.

Doctors and the other experts in child development whom we interviewed for this report frequently criticized this diagnostic tradition. We were therefore particularly dismayed to note that a concise critique of this practice of “over-diagnosing” was presented as long as three years ago to the Council of Europe by an expert team who visited Russia in June 1994.

The experts reported that Russian psychological norms are based on very strict criteria. Apart from these norms, however, factors that in the West are considered as being simple medical risks, will, in Russia, be labeled as illnesses:

*babies born to alcoholic parents or whose mothers suffered depression during pregnancy will be labelled encephalopathic and remain so until they come of age.

*orphans will be classed as being mentally deficient.

*children with a single physical malformation (a harelip or speech defect...) become subnormal in the eyes of Russian doctors.

Human Rights Watch also found that these early diagnostic practices interfere with a child's right to full development and in certain cases, to life, itself. Moreover, abundant information gathered in Russia indicated several crucial incentives behind "over-diagnosing" that suggest violations of basic medical ethics.

According to a former charity worker who distributed assistance to impoverished baby houses and has travelled widely in Russia since 1991, one legacy of the Soviet medical bureaucracy encourages hospital staff to avoid any risk of sanctions for errors detected under their care. For example, she recalled the case of a child she knew well who had a medical chart with a catalogue of conditions including oligophrenia and encephalopathy.

A doctor told me that they have to cover their butt. They could lose their job, so they write many diagnoses. And you know the penal system here. It's a “better safe than sorry” system.

A second factor that encourages exaggerated diagnoses, is the Russian law which until recently, prohibited international adoption of "healthy" children. The doctors in the system wanted the kids adopted, so they'd say that this child has a tumor and then “wink” at you.

Finally, a widely cited incentive for over-diagnosing is the extra financial subsidy and salary increment that the state grants to institutions that care for children with disabilities. The entitlement to these subsidies was confirmed by children's rights activists as well as by staff of state institutions.

I have heard all of these things more than once and I think it is all so very interesting ... and it makes sense.