Question Time?

So prior to beginning my adoption journey, I followed several adoption blogs and I always had questions that I wanted to ask, but I thought it might be out of place to do so ... so I never did.

I'm wondering if anyone has any questions like that about our adoption, Down syndrome or anything else that I can answer? Anything {well most anything} is game ... just leave a comment on this blog post and feel free to do it anonymously if you like. :) C'mon ... don't be shy ... I know some of you want to know more! LOL.

Okay, here we go!

Okay, here's a pretty superficial one, but one I'm curious about regardless . . . We have court next week. Do I bring along some dress shoes, or can I wear my dress boots that I will have on for the weather?
I would say you would be fine with your dress boots (if they are leather ... which I assume they are since you called them DRESS boots), considering that is what EVERYONE here wears every day of the week. They wear dress boots with jeans, skirts, whatever. They told us that they preferred the women wear skirts to court, so maybe bring your dress boots with a modest skirt. Hope this helps!

Are you having/adopting more kids?
Although our hands are full for now, I do see us trying to have at least one more typical child. Who knows, Payton sort of changed our plans as far as kids are concerned. Before her, I would have been happy with just two kids. Now, I feel like the bigger the family, the better. I really would like Payton and Addison to grow up with lots of siblings that love them unconditionally ... big families are fun for everyone involved, right?!

Given your fertility "fun", was adoption ever a consideration before you had Mason and Payton?
You know me so well, Courtney! To fill everyone else in, yes ... we had problems getting pregnant with our biological kids. After three years of failure, we ending up conceiving through in vetro fertilization (IVF) with both of them. And yes, while we were trying to get pregnant, I thought about adoption a lot and I used to look at photo listings a lot ... so I think adoption has always been something that has been on my mind.

Do you truly feel just as connected to this GORGEOUS baby girl as you do to your other two amazing kids?
This is a really hard question ... and in fact it is the one thing that I think scares people when they adopt. You do wonder if you will love this child like you love your biological children ... although I wondered that during my second pregnancy too. I didn't know if I could love another child like I loved Mason, and of course we all know now that I love Payton so much my heart hurts!

We really do have an amazing connection with Addison and I think the fact that she is SO MUCH like Payton has a lot to do with it. I am totally in love with her ... is the depth of that love as deep as it is for my other two kids? I would say probably NOT YET, but it takes time to develop that depth of love and I know it will be the same for Addison. It is the same as a mother's love growing over time for her biological child ... the love you have for that child on the day he or she is born is not the same depth of love that you have for that child as time goes on and your bond becomes deeper. I actually can say that I am surprised at how deep the love we have for Addison is after only having spent a handful of days with her. She is already making us SO proud and we feel SO blessed to have found her.

When you adopt a child, the momma bear sort of takes over. Here you are given this child that has no family, no mommy or daddy that wants her, no siblings to play with. Being able to give that to a child is an amazing feeling ... and I think the bond that comes with that is amazing. I would do anything for Addison that I would do for my other two kids and I believe she will mesh perfectly into our family. ;-)

I don't know how many rooms you have in your house, but how are the kids rooms set up? The girls together, then mason, or every man for himself?
We have four bedrooms upstairs, one of which is a "guest suite" with a sitting area and its own full bathroom. Mason will be moving into that room ... we figured he is the oldest and the only boy at this point, so he wins. The girls will each get their own bedroom and then share a full bathroom that is between their rooms. I pondered putting them in a room together, but I decided not to do that. Not sure why ... and I continue to question my decision since I know Addison is used to sleeping in a room with others ... and Lord knows Payton likes to sleep with other people too. So we'll see how that pans out. LOL.

I remember you mentioned something about Addison's mom or some relative that was getting the news that she was going to be adopted ... what happened with that? Did you find out more about her family or anything else?
Yes ... the social worker met with the birth mother the week after our first trip to get paperwork from her. They told the birth mother that we wanted to adopt Addison and the birth mother was fine with it. She and the birth father (her husband) had released their rights to Addison when she was about one month old ... because she has Down syndrome, of course. From what I was told, members of the extended family also have to release the child, so that is what they were waiting on ... the biological aunt of Addison had to write a letter releasing her as well. I suppose they get letters from the entire family (i.e. aunts, uncles, grandparents) because their first preference would be that Addison live with them if the birth parents did not want the child. In Addison's case, the entire family released their rights to her ... most likely because she has Down syndrome. She was never visited by any family member during her stay at the baby home.

We did ask if we might be able to get a picture of Addison's birth mother to have to show her when she gets older if she wants to see it, but the birth mother rejected our request ... which we pretty much expected to happen. We do have the names of Addison's birth parents, but that is pretty much it.

Also, as far as Russian government records go, the original birth certificate reflecting the names of the birth parents is destroyed when a child is adopted and it is replaced with the new birth certificate reflecting the names of the adoptive parents. So we have a birth certificate for Addison with our names on it, as well as an adoption certificate with our names on it. Essentially any record that ties her to her birth parents is destroyed. I was surprised to learn that, but what do I know? LOL.

I was wondering how big she is in comparison to Payton? They look very close in size, will they wear they same size clothing or is Addison fitting in P's hand-me-downs?
Addison is a little smaller than Payton ... Addison is about 28 pounds and Payton is about 32 pounds and a few inches taller. Addison definitely needs a 2T in pants and either a 2T or 3T in shirts ... Payton is a 3T in pants and either a 3T or 4T in shirts ... gotta fit those buddha bellies! So yes, Payton's clothes will come in very handy for Addison ... that is what she is wearing now, in fact!

Here's a question ... who's your favorite twin? Also, a question for Kyle .... was the beer good?
Hahaha McKenna ... my favorite twin would be ... McKenna! And Kyle says, "Yes, it was ochen facusna." That is a phonetic spelling for delicious. LOL. He thinks he is so smart.

My big question is, how tempted are you to bring them ALL home with you?!
I know, it is very hard. I think I would have had a much harder time with this is if we had adopted from a baby home that was not as good as Addison's. Nonetheless ... whether they are in a good baby home or not, most of the kids do not have parents. Some have parents that visit them, which renders them unavailable for adoption ... and that breaks my heart even more. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that these parents choose not to (or cannot) raise their children, yet as long as they visit the child (perhaps once a month, sometimes less ... sometimes more), the child cannot be adopted.

So ... the best thing for me to do at this point, since I can't bring them all home, is to advocate for others to adopt! :)

Are you concerned about Addison's sleeping schedule once you leave Russia? Have you been given any tips or tricks to help get her acclimated?
I'm not necessarily concerned ... she will have to adjust just as we will. She is a very good sleeper ... I hope she adjusts okay, but no ... I haven't been given any tips to get her acclimated, other than just transitioning her into her new schedule. I'm sure we are all going to be exhausted for a few days!

Have you been given advice or what have you done in prepping Mason and Payton for bringing Addison home. I'm sure you're sharing everything with them that they can understand but I was curious if you've been given advice on how to help them assimilate to having a new sister and vice versa. It's probably some of the same growing pains that any family goes through when you bring a new baby home but I'm curious if you've been given any advice or tips?
Mason definitely understands everything ... Payton, not so much. After we decided we were going to adopt, we bought a couple children's books for the kids. The books are great at telling stories about orphans and adoption. That was an easy way to explain to Mason that not all kids like him have mommies and daddies that can take care of them. We showed him a picture of Addison and told him that she did not have a mommy and daddy that was able to take care of her. He immediately said, "Well, how about if you be her mommy, and daddy can be her daddy, and I'll be her brother and Chicky can be her sister." I'm not kidding ... this was after reading the books about adoption and he received no prompting from us ... in fact, I think this was our very first discussion with him about our plans to adopt. He is an amazing kid. :) He is very excited to have another baby sister and everything lately has become about when "Baby Addison" comes home. He will wear his new pajamas when Baby Addison comes home; he will start using his new Batman bedding when Baby Addison comes home; and so on. So cute.

I think Payton will be excited as well. She loves kids that are smaller than her and she is excellent with them. Prior to us coming to Russia, she saw Addison's picture and use to kiss it and sign "baby". She also has seen Addison on skype (video cam) since we have been here and they talk and wave to each other.

Splitting our time equally between the kids will be the biggest, and most important, challenge. :)

How close are the girls in age?
They are 9 1/2 months apart.

Were you able to get any pictures of Addison from the baby home? That is one thing I wish I would have asked for!
Yes, we did! They gave us maybe four of five pictures from when she was younger, plus we have the picture that was in the MOE databank.

Are you worried about Addison's ability to communicate and learn language skills given that she now is faced with trying to understand a new language? Does she attempt to say any words in Russian yet?
It definitely is a concern, but the benefits of her being adopted pretty much outweighs that concern. This is something that comes with all adoptions. Being as though she just turned two, and she has Down syndrome, her expressive language in Russian is pretty much non-existent. Her receptive language in Russian, however, is extensive. That is why we have picked up a language course that teaches you common phrases that you would need when adopting a child ... that has been VERY helpful.

As far as learning English, they says kids that are young and adopted are very resilient and I know she is already understanding some stuff in English. We are trying to say the phrase in Russian (as much as we know, at least) and then we repeat it in English. We are also using sign language to a certain extent.

Kids who have Down syndrome have language delays no matter what, so even if Addison had been born in the U.S., I wouldn't expect her to have extensive expressive language by this point anyway. We'll get there! :)

Q & A

'Nika' is all bundled up! How cold is it?
Right now it is 35 degrees outside. At home, my kids don't wear snow pants unless we got out to play in the snow. Here in Russia, they bundle their kids and so we did too just to fit in. Technically, since we are out walking outside, I'd probably bundle her like this even at home in 35 degree weather. However, they bundle their kids like this even when it is like 50 degrees ... much different than what we do in the U.S.

How are you "renaming" her. As in ... what approach are you taking to teach her her new name, etc. I am just really curious how that works.

Her Russian name (minus her last name) is Shoshina Veronika, although we were told by our translator here in Moscow that Shoshina is actually her last name, so now we are really confused. LOL. We have been told all along that Shoshina was her first name, so we need to check on that. Anyway, we believe Veronika is her middle name, either way. So her new name is Addison Veronika. At the Baby Home, they called her Veronika, or Nika for short. So we are using Nika for her nickname and that is what we have been calling her since that is all she knows. At some point, we will introduce the name Addison, but I'm not sure yet when or how. Any suggestions from other adoptive parents that have been through this?

Are there other kids with ds at Addison's baby home? Sounds like a very caring place.
Yes, there are other kids with Down syndrome at her Baby Home. I got to interact with one little boy, who was in her grouppa, and he is also doing very well. He reminds me so much of a little boy that I know, Daniel (Lisa ... yes I'm talking about your Daniel).

Not all kids in the Baby Home are available for adoption ... if they have a family member that visits them and if the family has not released the child, they are not eligible to be adopted, even though they are living in the Baby Home and even though the family member (who may not even be the mother) only visits once a month.

If you anyone is interested in adopting a child with Down syndrome, email me privately and I will try to help you. You just never know until you contact an agency to see if they could help you try to find a child that is perfect for your family. There is an international photo listing on the web of children available for adoption in Russia, however I think it is intended to be a photo listing for Russians and I'm told it cannot be considered accurate for international adoption, although I did see our daughter on the photo listing, so take it for what it is worth.

Aren't you just dying to get all three of the kids together?!?!?!
Ummm, yes! LOL. We have been talking with the kids using Skype (a video and chatting service), so they have seen Addison. When Mason saw her for the first time on video, he said, "Aww ... she is so cute!" They have waved to each other on video too ... so cute. So yes, we are very anxious to get home so the kids can be together.

It will be interesting to see how she takes to American food!
She definitely loves food in general. The minute she sees it, she reaches out for us to feed her. She has the buddha belly of all buddha bellies, that is for sure! LOL. We brought some Gerber baby food that we have mixed with multi grain baby cereal and she has liked all of it. We also bought some bananas and yogurt, which she loves. We haven't really eaten in a restaurant setting with her yet, so we will see how that goes tonight. Her caregivers let us observe her eating before we took her for good ... they had vegetable/beef soup and then some sort of meat and potato meal. She ate the soup and ate the potatoes, but the meat she pretty much spit out as far as I could tell.

The kids in the baby home also drink out of tea cups, although she sort of just slops it all around and half of it ends up back in the cup. She has no clue what a sippy cup is ... we are using the sippy while we are on the road, but we give her an open cup sometimes too. She is doing good with the sippy though ... she drinks half the time and chews on the soft plastic half the time ...
How old is she again?
She just turned two years old less than a month ago ... we just missed being able to spend her birthday with her ...

When do you actually get to go home?
We leave Moscow on Wednesday and will be home the same day since we gain eight hours going back ...

I think you guys have a record for a speedy adoption. How long was it from start to finish?
Things have gone quick for us, thank God! We started the paperwork in May 2008 ... I think our process went quicker than normal because we adopted a child with Down syndrome ... there aren't many people on the list in Russia for wanting a child with Down syndrome. Pretty much I think there was no list. LOL. Anyone want to get on the list? ;)

Isn't the court translator just a hoot?
Yes, she was hysterical! And speaking of ... some of you wanted to see Kyle's hair, since she thought is was so nice ... cracks me up ... really, it is just a normal hair style, which is why is was so funny! Introducing ... Kyle's hair (sorry, I don't have a picture of just him and his hair) ...

So I thought of you guys and then I thought about how picky of an eater you are Bethany and wondered what is Addison used to eating?
Hahaha ... don't give away my secrets! Addison is used to eating mostly meat, fruits and vegetables. Times are gonna be changing at our house! LOL ... for her, anyway!

If I may ask . . . did you have to get a medical exam in Russia?
I'm not sure if you are referring to our medical exam or Addison's, so I'll answer for both. :)

We were able to do our medicals in the U.S. ... our judge did not require that it be done in Russia. For those of you unaware, every person that adopts has to have an eight-doctor medical exam done ... some judges require it to be done in Russia, others allow it to be done in the U.S. Thank God we were able to do it at home because it is much cheaper than having it done in Russia!

As for Addison, yes ... we had to have a medical exam done on her here in Moscow. It was easy and harmless.

So many questions, so little time {hahaha}

With the waive, does that mean you are coming home earlier than next Wednesday?
Hahaha ... NO. Sorry sis, you still have to watch my kids until then. ;) Wednesday was our "best case scenario" date, and we now have the best case scenario since our 10-day waiting period was waived. Now we are off to Moscow to complete paperwork.

Does she get to stay with you at the apartment?
Technically, yes she could. But we had a lot of running around to do after court today, as well as tomorrow morning. In an effort to not confuse her, we left her at the baby home and we will go pick her up tomorrow afternoon. Our train leaves for Moscow around 10 p.m. tomorrow night.

So when will you be home with her?
We will fly back to the U.S. on November 19th.

So do you have her now?
Not yet, see two questions prior. ;)

Q & A {and some stats}

Did you bring clothes for her?
No, that is the one thing I totally forgot! Everything she is wearing belongs to the baby home ... the little boy's snowsuit, the hats, the Bob the Builder tennis shoes ... LOL. Sigh. Those who know me well know that it is killing me that I can't dress her or do her hair yet. :) The snowsuit, however, is 12-18M and it is too small, so I think we'll be bringing 18-24M clothes for her when we return. Oh, and we traced her feet on paper so we know what size shoes to bring.

What is your apartment like?
Ahh ... I'm sorry ... I've had so much to blog about and so little time! I will try to do this today ... I still have to take pictures! ;) Our driver picks us up at 10AM and we don't get back to the apartment until about 5:30PM, at which point we leave again for dinner ... so by the time we get back and I get to blogging, it gets late! LOL.

You may have answered this but when do you go back? And do you have to leave and go back again? Or do you take her home that time?
We don't yet know when we will be back, probably sometime in November. We have to wait for our paperwork to be processed in Moscow and then we have to wait for the judge to fit us into her schedule. Luckily there are no huge Russian holidays in November where the judge will be gone for a long period of time, because that can set things back. We are being told the average time between trips right now is 6-8 weeks. When we come back, we will have court right away. At court, they typically impose a 10 day waiting period during which you can either go home or stay in country and continue to visit your child at the baby home. We are hopeful that our 10 days will be waived, but that remains to be seen. I'm not sure yet what we will do if it isn't waived. After the 10 days, we will hop the overnight train to Moscow. We have to go there to get Addison cleared through the embassy and then we fly home out of Moscow.

***

I just checked my statcounter because the map on the bottom of my blog is never correct, so I was curious as to just how many people are reading right now. Wow!

Tuesday: 510 different people {315 of them had never been to my blog before}

Wednesday: 852 different people {582 of them had never been to my blog before}

Thursday: 876 different people {564 of them had never been to my blog before}

So that leaves me wondering ... who are you and how did you hear about my blog? ;) LOL ... I get to be nosy too!

Q & A

Becca said...
Hey, Bethany--we'd love to come to your yard sale. Please let me know where and when (I know it's next Sat., but what time?).

Our garage sale will be held this Saturday and Sunday from 7am - 3pm. We can't wait to see you there! :)

Barb said...
Hi there! We are also adopting from Russia (St. Petersburg). I was just reading through some of your older posts and came across the Russian doll. I was hoping you could tell me where you ordered the cd and doll from?

I purchased the Russian doll and lullaby CD from this website. I am so excited to share them with Addison!

Wendy said...
We just moved to Alexandria, VA and I've been reading DSANV's listserve plus going to some of their functions. I noticed you too were on the listserve:) I'd love to meet you sometime!

Hi Wendy! Welcome to NOVA! I am not able to contact you through blogger, so please send me an email at the email address listed above and we can plan to get together ... I'd love to! :)